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I am, however, a big fan of separation. I think that there are things that happen during a separation that can radically change perceptions, mindsets and the state of a relationship. Sometimes it is just the thing that an offending spouse needs to jerk the slack out of them. It helps them to wake up and smell the coffee! When a separation occurs, it often gets friends, family, the pastor and people at their church involved Too many couples live a big lie, showing up at family and church functions pretending that all is well, when in reality, all is hell.

But when separation occurs, all of this under the radar stuff is blown out of the water and now they can really get the help, support and involvement of others that they really need. Sadly, most couples bypass separation and go straight to divorce, oftentimes creating an environment where no one can do anything to help save the marriage. It becomes “too late”. They wait too long and get themselves into so much misery that either one or both just doesn’t care anymore.

Here is one of the reasons why clicking into “divorce mode” is so problematic and destructive: Separation doesn’t do that.